Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize