I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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