are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
