no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
