My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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