well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize