You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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