he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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