Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We smell like vodka and hangover
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