We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Congratulations! We have a period
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
