Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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