it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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