1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
