i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
