I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
