Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
