Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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