Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
