I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
