shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
