Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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