OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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