i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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