Nicole vs. Life
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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