Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
