I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize