What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
