The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
