sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
