You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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