It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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