he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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