you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
