Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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