he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize