oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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