1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
