she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
