I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
