Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
