I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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