i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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