I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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