Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This house was built for laser tag.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
