I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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