I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize