Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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