when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
