guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize