She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
