it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
