just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
