2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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