my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
