So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
