Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
