Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
pray to the hookup gods
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
