I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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