I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
