I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
