He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize