these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
