She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
