You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
