he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
