I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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