Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
