His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
