watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
